Roxy And Elsewhere


1. PENGUIN IN BONDAGE

FZ:   Thank you.  Brian, I could use a li'l bit more monitor.  Hello, hello
-  can  you  turn  it  up any more than that?  Hello, hello; HEY!  Awright,
pardon  me  folks, the name of this song is Penguin In Bondage.  And it's a
song that, uh, deals with .  .  .  the possible variations on a basic theme
which  is,  well,  you  understand  what  the basic theme is.  And then the
variations  include  .  .  .  uh, maneuvers that might be executed with the
aid of .  .  .  uh, extra-terrestrial gratification and devices which might
or  might  not  be  supplied in a local department store, or perhaps a drug
store but at very least in one of those fancy new shops that they advertise
in the back pages of the free press.

This  song  suggests,  to  the  suggestable  listener,   that  the  ordinary
procedure,  uh,  that  I am circumlocuting at this present time in order to
get this text on television, is that if you want to do something other than
what  you  thought  you were gonna do when you first took your clothes off,
and  you  just happen to have some DEVICES around, then, it's not only okay
to get into the .  .  PARAPHERNALIA of it all, but .  .  .  hey!

Whaddya say, Ready?


She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninnenninahenn
Way over on the wet side
Of the bed (Knirps for moisture)

Just like the mighty Penguin
Flappin' her eight ounce wings

Lord, you know it's all over
If she comes atcha on the strut & wrap 'em
All around yer head

Flappin' her eight ounce wings, flappinumm

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy

Shake up the pale-dry
Ginger ale
Tremblin' like a Penguin
When the battery fail

Lord, you must be havin' her jumpin' through
A hoopa real fire
With some Kleenex wrapped around a
Coat-hang wire

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninnenninahenn
Howlin' over to some
Antarticulated moon

In the frostbite nite
With her flaps gone white
Shreikin' as she spot the hoop across the room

Lord, you know it must be a Penguin bound down
When you hear that terrible screamin' sound and
There ain't no other
Birds around

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh . . .
She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninnenninahenn
Aw, you must be careful
Not to leave her straps
TOO LOOSE

'Cause she just might box yer dog
She just might box yer doggie
An' leave you a dried-up dog biscuit . . .


2. PYGMY TWYLYTE

Green hocker croakin'
In the Pygmy Twylyte

Crankin' an' a-coke'n
In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite

Out of his deep on a 'fore day run
Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight

Green hocker in a Greyhound locker
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte

Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
By the doo-doo room with the reek replete

Crystal eye, crystal eye
Got a crystal kidney & he's 'fraid to die
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Or the downer midnight
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Or the downer midnight
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Or the downer midnight
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Or the downer midnight


3. DUMMY UP

NAPOLEON  MURPHY  BROCK:  (Improvising a melody along the following words:)
"Sunrise.   Get  up in the mornin'.  You know I think this mornin'.  Sun is
shinin' bright.  I wanna get outside.  I'm gonna wash my face, grab my hat,
put  it  on  my  head.  I take a walk downtown, yeah.  I felt sooo good.  I
think I'm gonna take a walk downtown - hey.  Sunlight.  Whoa, - somethin' I
never  saw before.  Been walkin' down the street everyday.  Nobody like you
ever  passed  my way.  Maybe it must be too much sun.  Couldn't be my hat -
must  be  too much - wait a minute.  What's that you - what's that - what -
what's that - what - what's that - what?"

JEFF SIMMONS: "Dummy up."

NMB:   "I  know  what  that  is  -  I   know  what  that is.  I bet that's a
restaurant menu.  Lemme see.  Lemme see."

JS:   "Not only do you get the Desenex burger .  .  .  not only the Desenex
burger.  But you are in for a real treat, Jim."

NMB:   "Wait  a  minute, I think I like that dance better than this .  .  .
What are you talkin' about treat?"

JS:   "What  I'm  talking about is that you've been in this killer fog down
here too long."

NMB: "What?"

JS:  "You need something to get up and go to school with."

NMB:   "Wait  a  minute  -  you're not talkin' to no fool now.  You know, I
wasn't born yesterday."

FZ: (laughs)

NMB: "Wait a minute. I like that little dance you were doin' there."

FZ:   "Jeff Simmons tries to corrupt Napoleon Murphy Brock by showing him a
lewd dance and suggesting that he smoke a high-school diploma."

NMB:   "Hey  -  What  you  .   .  .?   - Wait a minute.  I seen one of those
before, that's not a menu."

JS: "This stuff is expensive."

NMB: "What is that?"

JS: "You shoot it you'll conserve all winter."

NMB: "I do what?"

JS: "It lasts longer."

FZ: "Not only do you get the Desenex burger."

JS: "Now, c'mon - try it."

NMB: "No, no."

JS: "It's really good."

NMB: "Smoke THAT?"

JS: "Have I ever lied to you? Have I ever seen you before?"

NMB: "I don't even know you."

JS: "Look."

NMB: "I don't even know what that is and you tellin' me to smoke it?"

JS: "Just before we smoke the tapes that you made."

NMB: "Smoke the tapes?"

JS: "Smoke the tapes of your group."

NMB: "I think I'd rather dance."

JS: "You could really get off. Let's try a joint of this."

NMB: "A what?"

JS: "A joint."

NMB: "You mean this kind of joint?"

JS: "No, man. Where you been a-livin, Reseda?"

NMB: "No, San Jose."

FZ:  "The evil dope-pusher is cutting up a white gym sock formerly owned by
Carl  Zappa  and  still  damp.   The  shredded sock will be placed inside a
high-school diploma and ignited with a sulfur preparation.  His first taste
of big city life."

NMB: "That's okay - wait a minute."

JS: "The roach of this is really gonna be good so I'll save it."

FZ: "Have mercy!"

NMB:  "What do you do with that thing?  (Singing again) What do you do with
that  thing  that  you  have?  Wait a minute.  What do you do .  .  .  with
that thing?  I wanna know.  Wait a minute."

FZ:  "Now, for the next step of this operation, the evil corrupter of youth
is  going  to  take him from step one - which is a mere high-school diploma
stuffed  with  a  gym  sock to step two, which is a college degree which is
stuffed  with  absolutely  nothing at all.  Smoke that and it'll really get
you out there."

NMB: "I still don't feel as good as I did this mornin'."

FZ: "You'll grow out of it."

JS: "Dummy up."

NMB: "I heard it again. Somebody said . . ."

JS: "You see this?"

NMB: "Wait a minute."

GEORGE DUKE?: "College."

FZ: "College."

JS: "That's college rhythm."

NMB:   "You  mean,  if I smoke that it's the same as this?   As if I went to
college?  Roll it on up.  Roll it on up.  Roll it on up.  Gimme a .   .  ."

FZ:   "No,  no  -  the college degree is stuffed with absolutely nothing at
all.  You get - you get nothing with your college degree."

JS: "I forgot. I'm sorry."

NMB: "Well if you get nothin, that's what I want."

FZ:   "A  true Zen saying:  Nothing is what I want.  .   .  The results of a
higher education."


4. VILLAGE OF THE SUN

FZ:   "Thank  you.   Thank  you very much.   Awright, does anybody here know
where  Palmdale  is?  You do?, good.  Have you ever heard of a place called
Sun  Village?   Some of you know where Sun Village is - it's out in back of
Palmdale.   At  one  time it used to be a big place for raising turkeys.  I
went to high school in Lancaster which is not far from Palmdale."

GUY IN AUDIENCE: "That ain't all they raise now!"

FZ: "Oh, is it very good for other things out there now?"
GUY: "Damn right! You know it!"

FZ:   "[Kent?],  Turn  me  up so they can hear what I'm sayin'.  Ladies and
gentlemen,  this is a song about this place where I used to live where they
used to raise turkeys."


Going back home
To the Village of the Sun
Out in back of Palmdale
Where the turkey farmers run, I done
Made up my mind
And I know I'm gonna go to Sun
Village, good God I hope the
Wind don't blow

It take the paint off your car
And wreck your windshield too
I don't know how the people stand it
But I guess they do
'Cause they're all still there
Even Johnny Franklin too
In the Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun, son
(Sun Village to you)

Little Mary, and Teddy, and Thelma too
Where Palmdale Boulevard
Cuts on through
Past the Village Inn & Barbecue
(I heard it ain't there . . .
Well, I hope it ain't true)
Where the STUMBLERS gonna go
To watch the lights turn blue?
Where the STUMBLERS gonna go
To watch the lights turn
Blue-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-wahhh?

(repeat first 2 verses)


5. ECHIDNA'S ARF (OF YOU)

(Instrumental)


6. DON'T YOU EVER WASH THAT THING?

(Instrumental)


7. CHEEPNIS

GUY IN AUDIENCE: "What's it called?"

FZ:   "Cheepnis.   Lemme  tell  you something.  Do you like monster movies?
Anybody?   I  LOVE  monster movies.  I simply adore monster movies, and the
cheaper  they  are,  the  better  they are.  And Cheepnis, in the case of a
monster  movie  has nothing to do with the budget of the film - although it
helps  -  but.   True  Cheepnis  is  exemplified   by  visible nylon strings
attached to the jaw of a giant spider.

I'll  tell  ya a good one that I saw one time, I think the name of the
film  was  'It Conquered The World'.  Didya ever see that one?  The monster
looks sort of like an inverted ice-cream cone with teeth around the bottom.
It  looks like a .  .  .  teepee .  .  .  or sort of a rounded-off pup-tent
affair.   And,  uh, it's got fangs on the base of it, I don't know why, but
it's a very threatening sight.  An' he's got a frown, and, you know .  .  .
ugly mouth and everything.

An'  there's this one scene where the monster is coming out of a cave,
see?   There's  always a scene where they come out of a cave at least once,
and the rest of the cast .  .  .  it must have been made around the 1950's.
The  lapels  are  about  like  THAT  wide, the ties are about THAT wide and
they're  about  THIS  short.   And  they always have a little revolver that
they're  gonna shoot the monster with.  An' there's always a girl who falls
down  and  twists  her ankle.  Hey hey, course there is.  You know how they
are,  the  weaker  sex and everything twisting their ankle on behalf of the
little ice-cream cone.

Well,  in  this  particular scene .  .  .  in this scene, folks, they,
uh,  they  didn't  wanna  retake  it because it must have been so good they
wanted  to  keep  it.   But, they .  .  .  when the monster came out of the
cave,  just over on the left-hand side of the screen you can see about this
much  two-by-four attached to the bottom of the thing as the guy is pushing
it  out.   And  then,  obviously  off-camera  somebody is going 'NO, GET IT
BACK!'.  An' they drag it back just a little bit as the guy is going (makes
gunshot  noises).   Now  that's  Cheepnis.   Awright?   And this is Cheepnis
here.  One, Two, Three, Four .  .  .


I ate a hot dog
it tasted real good
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood

I ate a hot dog
it tasted real good
Yum-Yum Yummy Yummy Yum
Yum-Yum Yummy Yummy Yum
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood
Dum-Dum Dummy Dummy Dum
Dum-Dum Dummy Dummy Dum

Little Miss Muffet on a squat by me, yeah
Took a turn around, I said: "Can y'all see?
The little strings on the Giant Spider?"
The Zipper From The Black Lagoon?
The vents by the tanks where the bubbles go up?
(And the flaps on the side of the moon)

The jelly & paint on the 40 watt bulb
They use when the slime droozle off
The rumples & the wrinkles in the cardboard rock
And the canvas of the cave is too soft

The suits & the hats & the tie's too wide
And too short for the scientist man
The chemistry lady with the roll-away mind
And the monster just ate Japan

Ladies and gentlemen,
The monster,
Which the peasants in this area call FRUNOBULAX
(Apparently a very large poodle dog)
Has just been seen approaching the Power Plant
Bullets can't stop it
Rockets can't stop it
We may have to use NUCLEAR FORCE!

HERE COMES THAT POODLE DOG!
BIG AS A BLIMP WITH A RHINESTONE COLLAR
SNAPPIN' OFF THE TREES
LIKE THEY WAS BONSAI'D ORNAMENTS ON A DRY-WOBBLE LANDSCAPE
KEEP IT AWAY! DON'T LET THE POODLE BITE ME!
WE CAN'T LET IT REPRODUCE! OH!
SOMEBODY GET OUT THE PANTS!

The National Guard has formed up at the base of the mountain
And is attempting to lure the enormous poodle towards the cave
Where they hope to destroy it with napalm
A thousand of the troopers are now lined up
and are calling to the monster . . .
Here Fido
Here Fido
Here Fido

GOT A GREAT BIG SLIMEY THING
GOT A GREAT BIG HEAVY THING
GOT A GREAT BIG POODLE THING
GOT A GREAT BIG HAIRY THING

(repeat)

C'mon! Everbody! Let's go!
Get the distilled water! Get the canned goods
Get the toilet paper! You know we need it!

GO TO DA SHELTER
MY BABY, MY BABY
GO TO DA SHELTER
GO TO DA SHELTER

(repeat)

Little Miss Muffet on a squat by me
Can ya see the little strings danglin' down
Makes the legs go wobble an' the mouth flap shut
An' the HORRIBLE EYE, HORRIBLE EYE, HORRIBLE EYE
Go rollin' around
Can y'see it all
Can y'see it from here
Can y'laugh till yer weak on yer knees
If you can't, I'm sorry 'cause that's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please

(etc. repeats)


8. SON OF ORANGE COUNTY

And in your dreams
You can see yourself
As a prophet
Saving the world
The words from your lips
(I AM NOT A CROOK)
I just can't believe you are such
A fool

I just can't believe
You are such a fool
I just can't believe
You are such a fool

(repeat)


9. MORE TROUBLE EVERY DAY

Well I'm about to get sick
From watchin' my TV
Been checkin' out the news
Till my eyeballs fail to see
I mean to say that every day
Is just another rotten mess
[Sho 'nuff!]
And when it's gonna change, my friend
Is anybody's guess, so I'm
Watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay that trouble
Comin' every day
Wednesday I watched the riot
Seen the cops out on the street
Watched 'em throwin' rocks & stuff & chokin'
In the heat
Listen to reports
About the whisky passin' 'round
Seen the smoke & fire
And the market burnin' down
Watched while everybody
On his street would take a turn
To stomp & smash & bash & crash & slash & bust & burn
And I'm
Watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin' that there's
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day


10. BE-BOP TANGO (OF THE OLD JAZZMEN'S CHURCH)

FZ:   "Some  of  you  may  know that the tango, which is not a very popular
dance  anymore, was at one time reputed to be a dance of unbridled passion.
Back  in the old days when it wasn't so easy to get your rocks off, when it
was  hard to make contact with a member of the .  .  .  opposite camp.   And
you  had  to  resort  to things like dancing close together and going, HEY.
Those were the days.

Well,  those  days  are  probably  gone forever.  I don't know, unless
Nixon is going to bring them back a little bit later.  But .  .  .  we have
this  very  special,  highly-evolved  permutated  tango.    It's  actually a
perverted tango.  By the time .  .  .  yes, it's so perverted.   This is the
Be-bop  tango,  a  special entertainment event that includes choreography a
little  bit later, so watch out, folks.  You can turn on the big lights, we
may  need  'em.  You know, the ones in the audience.  Okay, you ready?   Not
too  fast  now,  because  I wanna get the right notes on the tape.   I mean,
this  .   .   this  has to be the one.  This has to be the one with all the
right notes in it.  This is a hard one to play.

The  cowbell,  as  a  symbol  of  raw  unbridled   passion,  ladies and
gentlemen .  .  .

Now,  as  you might have noticed, Bruce Fowler has just completed some
sort  of  trombone solo based on the idea of an evolved tango event.  Bruce
has  also  prepared  for  you a demonstration of a dance that he hopes will
sweep the ocean right after the mud-shark did.  Bruce is now warming up the
important  muscles  of  the body in preparation .  .  .  in preparation for
the  real  live Be-Bop tango, which we're gonna demonstrate.  Napoleon will
assist him.  Napoleon, just put your horn down.  Just relax.  Put your head
back, here comes the drill.  Okay?  You know what I'm talking about?  Okay.
This  is  sort  of like Jazz in its own peculiar way.  Jazz is not dead, it
just smells funny.

GEORGE  DUKE:   "Jazz.   man.  (singing:) This is Beeeeeee-BOP.  Even if it
doesn't sound like that."

FZ:   "Now, as you might have noticed, some of you with a musical education
can  tell  that  the  notes  that  George  just sang, when he went 'This is
Be-bop,  even if it doesn't sound like that', is actually sort of a twisted
form of the theme of the tango itself, which will get even more depraved as
the number goes on.  George will now attempt to dismember that melody, play
it, and sing it at the same time, while .  .  ."

GD: (Makes a jazz noise)

FZ:   "Hey,  that's  the way.  While we sort of dance to it.   Okay, try it,
George."

GD: (Makes more jazz noise) "Ohhhhh Yeahhhhh. As I was sayin'."

FZ:   "Now,  what we'd like to do at this point is get some volunteers from
the audience to .  .  ."

GIRL IN AUDIENCE: "I wanna [unintelligible]"

FZ:   "I  know  you will, oh God you will.  We need some .   .  .  heh, heh,
heh.   No, as a matter of fact you did, didn't you?  No, we wanna have some
people  who've  never tried it before.  Who've never even thought of trying
it before.  A boy .  .  .  a girl .  .  .  preferably who like each other .
.   .   who  would like to come up here and attempt to dance to what George
sings."

GD: (Makes a jazz noise)

FZ: "Do we have anybody who is . . ."

GIRL IN AUDIENCE AGAIN: "ME!"

FZ: "You're one. Okay, what's your name?"

GUY: "Carl."

FZ:   "Your  name  is Carl?  Please, Carl, step onto the stage.  Pleased to
meet you Carl."

GD: (Makes a jazz noise)

FZ:   "Awright,  okay.   Let's see .  .  .   uh .  .  .  Is there anybody in
the .  .  .  in the back?  Oh, hey .  .  .  What's your name?

ANOTHER GUY: "Rick."

FZ:   "Rick  and  Jane  and Carl.  Awright, here's how it works.  There's a
beat going on like this .  .  .  That's a pedestrian beat.  You don't dance
to that beat, you dance to what George sings, okay?

GD: (Makes a jazz noise)

FZL  " The little ones .  .  .  Okay?  The little quick ones.  George, Make
them dance."

GD: (Makes a jazz noise)

FZ: "No, no. Rick, you're too reserved. Ready? Give it to them, George."

GD: (Makes a jazz noise)

FZ:  "No, no, c'mon now.  Loosen up.  Listen, encourage them.   When it .  .
.  Okay.  One more time."

GD: (Makes a jazz noise)

FZ: "Let's study this phenomenon."

GD: (Makes a jazz noise at great length)

FZ:   "Now  look.  Rick and Jane and Carl, you're wonderful but you're just
too reserved."

GIRL IN AUDIENCE AGAIN: "I'll show 'em how, Frank. Really."

FZ:   "I  know you will.  Maybe in a minute.  Okay, Tell you what - go back
to  your  seats  and  we'll bring up the next batch, okay?  Carl, Rick, and
Jane.  Awright."

GIRL EVIDENTLY NOW ON STAGE: "Anything you say, Frank."

FZ: "Oh my God! Awright. Your name is Lana? Lana, dance."

GD: (Makes a jazz noise)

FZ: "Now, that's more like it."

GD: (Makes a jazz noise at length)

FZ:   "Lana,  you're  so  good.   We  have to bring up some other people to
assist  you.   Brenda .  .  .  imported from Edwards Air Force Base .  .  .
where  she  .   .   Ladies  and  gentlemen,   Brenda  .   .   .  Brenda is a
professional harlot and she just got finished stripping for a bunch of guys
at  Edwards  Air Force Base and she made it down here in time for the show.
Two  hours of taking it off for the boys in the corps - really good.  Okay.
Brenda  has  a  lovely  assistant  named Carl, or Robert James Davis if you
prefer.  Herb Cohen, ladies and gentlemen.  Okay .  .  .   dance."

GD: (Makes a jazz noise)

FZ: "You're still too adagio, I keep telling you."

GD: (Makes a jazz noise)

FZ: "Turn on the bubble machine."

GD: (Makes a jazz noise)

FZ: "God, is that a cheap bubble machine."

GD: (Makes a jazz noise)

FZ: "Ladies and gentlemen . . . dance, ex-wife."

(General musical jazz-like mayhem onstage)

FZ:  "Ladies and gentlemen, you're prob'ly sitting in your chairs saying to
yourselves:   'I  could  do that.  And of course, you can.   And now is your
big  chance.   All  you have to do .  .  .  first step is easy .  .  .  All
you  gotta do is stand up.  Go ahead .  .  .  just stand up.   There you go.
You  are  standing  up.  Yes, some of you are not standing up but you won't
have  as  much  fun  as  those  who are standing up.   Okay, turn on the big
lights  so  everybody  can  see what's going on.  Yes, very many of you are
standing up.  Okay .  .  .  link your mind with the mind of George Duke."

GD: (Makes a jazz noise)

FZ:   "That's  it.   When  he  plays those funny, fast little notes, twitch
around and have a good time with the Be-bop tango.  let's try it."


Anything you wanna do
Is all right
Anything you wanna do
Is all right
Yeah
You know you came to the right place
Tonight
Here's summa that wine now.


FZ:   "As  you might have guessed, ladies and gentlemen, this is the end of
our  concert.   We'd  like to thank you for very much for coming.   Hope you
had a good time.  Bruce Fowler on trombone.  Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor
sax  and  lead  vocals.   Ruth  Underwood on percussion.   Ralph Humphrey on
drums.  Chester Thompson on drums.  Walt Fowler on bass, and George Duke on
the keyboard.  Thank you very much."



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