APOSTROPHE(')


1. DON'T EAT THE YELLOW SNOW

Dreamed I was an Eskimo
Frozen wind began to blow
Under my boots and around my toes
Frost had bit the ground below
It was a hundred degrees below zero
And my Mama cried
[Boo-hoooo]
And my Mama cried
Nanook of the North
(Nanook Ah no no)
Nanook of the North
(Nanook Ah no no)
Don't be a naughty Eskimo
Save your money, don't go to the show
Well I turned around and I said
Ho, ho
Well I turned around and I said
Ho, ho
Well I turned around and I said
Ho, ho
And the Northern Lights commenced to glow
And she said, with a tear in her eye
Watch out where the Huskies go
And don't you eat that yellow snow
Watch out where the Huskies go
And don't you eat that yellow snow

2. NANOOK RUBS IT

Well, right about that time, people
A fur trapper who was strictly from commercial
Had the unmitigated audacity
To jump up from behind my Ig-ya-loo
[peek-a-boo!]
And he started in to whippin' on my favorite baby seal
With a lead-filled snowshoe
I said
With a lead-filled snowshoe
He said Peek-a-boo
With a lead-filled snowshoe
He said Peek-a-boo
With a lead-filled snowshoe

He went right upside the head
Of my favorite baby seal
He went WHAP!
With a lead-filled snowshoe
An' he hit him on the nose
An' he hit him on the fin an' he . . .

That got me just about as evil
As an Eskimo boy can be
So I bent down
An' I reached down
An' I scooped down
An' I gathered up
A generous mittenful of the deadly
Yellow snow
The deadly yellow snow
(From right there where the Huskies go)

Whereupon I proceed to take that
Mittenful of the deadly yellow snow crystals
And rub it all into his beady little eyes
With a vigorous circular motion
Hitherto unknown to the people in this area
But destined to take the place of the Mud-shark
In your mythology here it goes now
The circular motion . . .
RUB IT!

[Here, Fido]

And then, in a fit of anger I . . . Pounced
An' I pounced again
Great Googly-moogly
I jumped up and down on the chest of a . . .

I injured the fur-trapper
Well, he was very upset as you can understand
And rightly so, because
The deadly yellow snow Crystals
Had deprived him of his sight
An' he stood up
An' he looked around
An' he said . . .
I CAN'T SEE
I can't see
Oh, woe is me
I can't see
Oh no
I can't see

He took a dog-dew snowcone
An' stuffed it in my right eye
He took a dog-dew snowcone
An' stuffed it in my other eye
An' the Husky wee-wee
I mean the doggy wee-wee
Has blinded me
An' I can't see
Temporarily

Well, the fur-trapper stood there
With his arms outstretched
Across the frozen white wasteland
Trying to figure out what he's gonna do
About his DEFLICTED eyes
And it was at that precise moment
That he remembered an ancient Eskimo legend
Wherein it is written . . .
(On whatever it is that they write it on up there)
That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
As a result of some sort of conflict
With anyone named Nanook
The only way you can get it fixed up
Is to go trudging across the tundra
Mile after mile
Trudging across the tundra
Right down to the parish of St. Alphonso . . .

3. ST. ALPHONSO'S PANCAKE BREAKFAST

Yes indeed, here we are
At St. Alphonso's pancake breakfast
Where I stole the margarine
And wheedled on the bingo cards
And blew up the latrine

I saw a handsome parish lady
Make her entrance like a queen
While she was totally Chenille-in'
Her old man was a Marine

As she abused the sausage patty
And said "Why don't you treat me mean?"
At St. Alphonso's pancake breakfast
[Good golly, get on the bus]
Where I stole the margarine

St. Alphonso, St. Alphonso
St. Alphonso, St. Alphonso

4. FATHER O'BLIVION

Get on your feet and do the funky Alphonso

Father Vivian O'Blivion
Resplendent in his frock
Was whipping up the batter
For the pancakes of his flock
He was lookin' rather bleary
He forgot to watch the clock
'Cause the night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked it
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked it
[He stroked it!]
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked his smock
[He stroked his smock!]
He sent him off in such a frenzy
He sang lock around the crock
And he topped it off with a
And he topped it off with a
And he topped it off with a
As he stumbled on his [cock]
He was delighted as it stiffened
And ripped right through his sock
"Oh, St. Alphonso would be proud of me"
He shouted down the block

Dominus vobiscum et cum Spiritu tuo
Won't you eat my sleazy pancakes
Just for saintly Alphonso?
They're so light and fluffy white
We'll raise a fortune by tonight
They're so light and fluffy white
We'll raise a fortune by tonight
They're so light and fluffy brown
They're the finest in the town
They're so light and fluffy brown
They're the finest in the town

Good morning, your highness
I brought you your snowshoes

5. COSMIK DEBRIS

The mystery man came over
And he said "I'm outta sight!
" He said for a nominal service charge
I could reach Nirvana tonight

If I was ready, willing and able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote his attention to me

But I said

Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that cosmik debris?
Now who you jivin' with that cosmik debris?
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me

The mystery man got nervous
And he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his mystery robe
And he whipped out a shaving kit

Now, I thought it was a razor
And a can of foaming goo
But he told me right then
When the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Aphrodite
And the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said "You might not believe this little fella,
But it'll cure your asthma too"

And I said

Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that cosmik debris?
Now what kind of a guru are you anyway?
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me

Don't you waste your time

"I've got troubles of my own," I said
And you can't help me out
So take yer meditations and yer preparations
And ram it up yer snout

"But I got the Crystal Ball" he said
And held it to the light
so I snatched it all away from him
And I showed him how to do it right

I wrapped a newspaper round my head
So I'd look like I was deep
I said some mumbo-jumbos then
I told him he was goin' to sleep

I robbed his rings and his pocket watch
An' everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound

I proceeded to tell him his future then
As long as he was hangin' around
I said
"The price of meat has just gone up
And your old lady has just gone down."
Look Here Brother,
Who you jivin' with that cosmik debris?
Now is that a real poncho
Or is that a Sears poncho?
Don't you know
You could make more money as a butcher
So don't you waste your time on me
Ooom-shahnti Oooom-shahnti Oooom-shahnti
Shahnti

6. EXCENTRIFUGAL FORZ

The clouds are really cheap
The way I seen them through the ports
Of which there is a half a dozen
On the base of my resorts
You wouldn't think I'd have too many
Since I never cared for sports
But I'm never really lonely
In my Excentrifugal forz

There's always [Coila?] Plankton
Him and me can play the blues
And then I'll watch him buff that
Tiny ruby that he use
He'll straighten up his turban
And eject a little ooze
Along a one-celled Hammond organism
Underneath my shoes

And then I'll call Pup Tentacle
And ask him how's his chin
I'll find out how the future is
Because that's where he's been
His little feet got long and flexible
And suckers fell right in
The time he crossed the line
From later on to way back when

7. APOSTROPHE

(Instrumental)

8. UNCLE REMUS

Woe
Are we moving too slow?
Have you seen us
Uncle Remus?

We look purty sharp in these clothes
[Yes we do]
Unless we get sprayed with a hose
It ain't bad in the day
If they squirt it your way
'Cept in the winter
When it's froze
And it's hard if it hits
On your nose

Just keep your nose
To the grindstone
They say
Will that redeem us
Uncle Remus?

I can't wait 'til my 'fro
Is full-grown
I'll just tho 'way
My do-rag at home
I take the drive to
Beverly Hills
Just before dawn
And knock the little jockeys
Off the rich people's lawns
And before they get up
I'll be gone
Before they get up
I'll be knockin' the jockeys
Off the lawns
Down in the dew

9. STINK FOOT

In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
Where the shark-bubbles blow
In the morning
By your radio
Do the walls close in to suffocate ya
You ain't got no friends
And all the others, they hate ya
Does the life you been leading gotta go?
Well lemme straighten you out
About a place I know

Get your shoes and socks on, people
It's right around the corner

Out through the night
And the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The imaginary diseases

Out through the night
And the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The imaginary diseases

This has to be the disease for you
Now, scientists call this disease
Bromodrosis
But us regular folks
Who might wear tennis shoes Or the occasional Python Boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience
By the name of
STINKFOOT

You know

My python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by
And now it's July
I finally got it off
And my girlfriend cried
"You got STINKFOOT
Stinkfoot, Darlin'
Your stinkfoot puts a hurt
On my nose"

Stinkfoot, Stinkfoot
I ain't lyin'
Can you rinse it off
Do you suppose?

Here, Fido, Fido
C'mere little puppy
Bring the slippers
Arf Arf Arf
(Laughter)
[SICK!]

Well then
Fido got up off the floor
And he rolled over and he
Looked me straight in the eye
An' you know what he said?

Once upon a time
Somebody say to me
[This is the dog talkin' now]
What is your Conceptual Continuity?

Well I told him right then
Fido said
It should be easy to see
The crux of the biscuit
Is the Apostrophe

Well you know
The man that was talkin' to the dog
Looked at the dog and he said
Sorta starin' in disbelief
You can't say that

He said

It doesn't
An' you can't
I won't
An' it don't
It hasn't
It isn't
It even ain't
an' it shouldn't
It couldn't

He told me
No, no, no
I told him
Yes, yes, yes
I said I do it all the time
Ain't this boogie a mees?

The poodle bites
The poodle chews it
The poodle bites
The poodle chews it
The poodle bites
The poodle chews it
The poodle bites
The poodle chews it
(Etc.)



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