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1. PLASTIC PEOPLE

Ladies and Gentlemen . . .
The President of the United States!

"Fella Americans . . . Doot, Doot, Doot . . ."
He's been sick! -- Doot! Doot!
And I think his wife is gonna bring him
Some chicken soup

Plastic people!
Oh, Baby, now You're such a drag

I know it's hard to defend an unpopular policy
every once in a while . . .
And there's this guy from the CIA and he's creepin'
around Laurel Canyon -

A fine little girl She waits for me
She's as plastic as can be
Ahe paints her face With plastic goo
And wrecks her hair with some shampoo

Plastic people!
Oh, Baby, now You're such a drag

"I dunno . . . sometimes I just get tired
Of ya, honey - -  It's . . . ah . . .your
hair spray . . . or something . . ."

Plastic people!
Oh, Baby, now You're such a drag

"I hear the sound of marching feet
down Sunset Boulevard to Crescent Heights
. . . and there . . . at Pandora's Box . . .
we are confronted . . . a vast
quantity of . . . Plastic people . . ."

Take a day And walk around
Watch the Nazis Run your town
Then go home and check yourself
You think we're singing
'Bout someone else

But you're plastic people
Oh, Baby, now
You're such a drag

Me see a neon Moon above
I searched for years I found no love
I'm sure that love Will never be
A product of Plasticity
A product of Plasticity

PLASTIC, PLASTIC PEOPLE -- PLA-HA-HA-HA
HA-PLASTIC -- You are -- your foot -- your hair
-- your nose -- your arms -- you suck -- you love
-- you are -- your being is -- you're plastic -- blah
-- blah -- blah -- plastic Peoples
- A prune is not a vegetable
-- cabbage is a vegetable; makes it O.K.
-- plastic people -- plastic People
-- you dream of . . . you think only of . . . you eat
. . . you are . . . Ooo-hoo-hoo . . .
purple prancing -- plastic People-
Pee-Pee-Pee-Pee-Pee-Peep!


2. THE DUKE OF PRUNES

A moon beam through the prune in June
Reveals your chest I see your lovely beans
And in that magic go-kart I bite your neck
The cheese I have for you, my dear
Is real and very new
Prune! (Pa-da-dah!)
If it is a real prune Knows no cheese
(cheeky chanky, cheeky chanky)
And standy (Oh no!)
Taller, stronger than any tree (or bush)
And I know The love I have for you
Will grow and grow, And grow, I think
And so my love I offer you
A love that is strong, A prune that is true


3. AMNESIA VIVACE

(Instrumental)


4. THE DUKE REGAINS HIS CHOPS

(Instrumental)


5. CALL ANY VEGETABLE

Call any vegetable Call it by name
Call one today When you get off the train
Call any vegetable And the chances are good
That the vegetable will respond to you
(Some people don't go for prunes . . . I
don't know, I've always found that if they . . .)

Call any vegetable Pick up your phone
Think of a vegetable Lonely at home
Call any vegetable And chances are good
That the vegetable will RESPOND to you

Rutabaga, Rutabaga,
Rutabaga, Rutabaga,
Rutabay-y-y-y . . .

(A prune isn't really a vegetable . . .
CABBAGE is a vegetable is a vegetable . . .)

No one will know
If you don't want them to know
No one will know
'Less it's you that tell them so
Call and they'll come to you
Smiling and covered with dew
Vegetables dream, Vegetables dream
Vegetables dream, Of responding to you
Standing there shiney and proud by your side
Holding your joint while the neighbors decide
Why is a vegetable something to hide?

A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T BOTHER ABOUT THEIR
FRIENDS IN THE VEGETABLE KINGDOM. THEY
THINK: OH, AH, WHAT CAN I SAY? WHAT CAN
A PERSON LIKE MYSELF SAY TO A VEGETABLE?
BUT THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE, MY FRIENDS:
JUST CALL, AND TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL
ABOUT MUFFINS . . . PUMPKINS . . . WAX
PAPER . . . CALEDONIA, MAHOGANIES, ELBOWS
. . . GREEN THINGS IN GENERAL . . . AND
SOON, A NEW RAPPORT . . . YOU AND YOUR
NEW LITTLE GREEN AND YELLOW BUDDIES,
GROOVING TOGETHER . . .OH NO! MAINTAINING
YOUR COOLNESS TOGETHER! WORSHIPPING
TOGETHER IN THE CHURCH OF YOUR
CHOICE . . . (ONLY IN AMERICA . . .)

Call any vegetable Call it by name
You gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
WOW! that the vegetable will RESPOND to you!

OH NO! CAN YOU SEE THEM RESPONDING? THE
PUMPKIN IS BREATHING HARD . . . H-H-H-H-
H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-HHHHHHHHHHHH!
(WHAT A PUMPKIN!)


6. INVOCATION AND RITUAL DANCE OF THE YOUNG PUMPKIN

(Instrumental)


7. SOFT-SELL CONCLUSION

(Instrumental)


8. BIG LEG EMMA

There's a big dilemma
'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
There's a big dilemma
'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She used to knock me out
Until her face broke out

There's a big dilemma
'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
There's a big dilemma
'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She was my steady date
Until she put on weight
etc.


9. WHY DON'TCHA DO ME RIGHT?

Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
You got me pulled up tight
Why don'tcha do me right?

You got me beggin' on my knees
You got me beggin' on my knees
You got me beggin' on my knees
Say-in' baby please
Come back to me

You're tryin' to wreck my life
I know you're tryin' to wreck my life
I know you're tryin' to wreck my life
And all I wanted was a wife
I know you're tryin' to wreck my life

Now what you tryin' to do?
Now what you tryin' to do?
Now what you tryin' to do?
I been true to you
Now what you tryin' to do?


10. AMERICA DRINKS

(Instrumental)


11. STATUS BACK BABY

I'm losing status at the high school
I used to think that it was my school
WAH WAH WAH WAH

I was the king of every school activity
But that's no more . . .

Oh mama, what will come of me?
The other night we painted posters
We played some records by the Coasters
WAH WAH WAH WAH

A bunch of pom-pom girls
Looked down their nose at me
They had painted tons of posters, I had painted three
I hear the secret whispers Everywhere I go
My school spirit is at an All time low

I'm losing status at the high school
I used to think that it was my school
WAH WAH WAH WAH

I sing and dance and spray my hair And drive a shiney car
I'm friendly and I'm charming I belong to DE MOLAY
I'm gonna try like mad to Get my status back today
Status back, Baby Status back, Baby
Status back, Baby Status back, Baby


12. UNCLE BERNIE'S FARM

There's a bomb to blow yo mommy up
A bomb for yo daddy too!
A baby doll that burps 'n' pees,
A case of airplane glue!
There's a hungry plastic troll,
To scarf yo buddy's arm!
There's a box of ugly plastic things, marked:
"UNCLE BERNIE'S FARM"

There's a little plastic 'CONGRESS'
There's a 'NATION' you can buy!
There's a doll that looks like mommy
(She'll do anything but cry)
There's a doll that looks like daddy
(He's a funny little man . . .
Puch a button 'n ask fo money
There's a dollar in his hand!)

We gotta send Danny claus back to de Rescue Mission!
Christmas don't make it no more!
Don'tcha know that murder and destruction
Scream de toys in every store!

There's a man who runs the country
There's a man who tried to think
And they're all made out of plastic
(When they melt, they start to stink)
There's a book with smiling children,
Nearly dead with Christmas Joys
And smiling in his office
is the creep who makes 'the toys'


13. SON OF SUZY CREAMCHEESE

Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, baby, now
What's got into you?
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, baby, now
What's got into you?

Suzy you were such a sweetie
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Once you were my one and only
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Blew your mind on too much Kool-Aid
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Took my stash and left me lonely
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, baby, now
What's got into you?
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, mama, now
What's got into you?

Got to find my Suzy Creamcheese
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Really dig her, she's so freaky
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Heard THE HEAT knows where you are
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, baby, now
What's got into you?
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, baby, now
What's got into you?

Cruised the Strip and went to Canter's
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Suzy Creamcheese, please come home
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Vito said she split for Berkeley
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Protest-marching Styrofoam
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, baby, now
What's got into you?
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, baby, now
What's got into you?


14. BROWN SHOES DON'T MAKE IT

Brown shoes don't make it
Brown shoes don't make it
Quit school, why fake it?
Brown shoes don't make it?

TV dinner by the pool
Watch your brother grow a beard
Got another year of school
You're okay, he's TOO WEIRD
Be a plumber He's a bummer
He's a bummer every summer
Be a loyal plastic robot
For a world that doesn't care

Smile at every UGLY
Shine on your shoes and cut your hair

Be a jerk and go to work Be a jerk and go to work
Be a jerk and go to work Be a jerk and go to work

Do your job, and do it right
Life's a ball! (TV tonight!)
Do you love it, Do you hate it?
There it is, The way you made it

A world of secret hungers,
Perverting the men who make your laws
Every desire is hidden away,
In a drawer, in a desk,
By a Naugahyde chair
On a rug where they walk and drool
Past the girls in the office

His wife's attending an orchid show
She squealed for a week to get him to go
But back in the bed his teenage Queen
Is rocking and rolling and acting obscene
Baby! Baby! Baby! Baby!
And he loves it! He loves it! It curls up his toes!
She bites his fat neck, And it lights up his nose,
But he cannot be fooled, Old CITY HALL FRED,
She's nasty, she's nasty, She digs it in bed!

Do it again, and do it some more!
That does it, by golly, It's nasty for sure
Nasty-nasty-nasty! Nasty-nasty-nasty!
(ONLY THIRTEEN AND SHE KNOWS HOW TO NASTY)
She's a dirty young mind, Corrupted, corroded . . .
Well she's thirteen today, And I hear she gets loaded

If she were my daughter, I'd . . .
WHAT WOULD YOU DO, DADDY?
If she were my daughter, I'd . . .
WHAT WOULD YOU DO, DADDY?
If she were my daughter, I'd . . .
WHAT WOULD YOU DO, DADDY?

Smother my daughter in chocolate syrup,
And strap her on again, OH BABY!
Smother that girl in chocolate syrup,
And strap her on again!

She's my TEENAGE BABY, and she turns me on,
I'd like to make her do a nasty
On the White House Lawn!
Smother my daughter in chocolate syrup,
And boogie till the cows come home

Time to go home, Madge is on the phone
Gotta meet THE GUERNEYS And a dozen gray attorneys
TV dinner by the pool I'm so glad I finished school
Life is such a ball I run the world From City Hall


15. AMERICA DRINKS AND GOES HOME

I tried to find How my heart could be so blind, dear
How could I be fooled Just like the rest
You came on strong with your
Fast car and your class ring
Soft voice, and your sad eyes
I fell for the whole thing
I don't regret having met
Up with a girl who Breaks hearts
Like they were nothing at all I've done it too
Now I know Just what it feels like
And just like I said There's no regrets



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